Dear Addie,
This week, we had the chance to visit one of our favorite places in the Outer Banks. A place that almost four-plus years ago gave us a much-needed moment of grace, an opportunity to take a breath and do something seemingly ordinary for most families, and a lot of happy tears from Mama, literally just by being who they were - genuine in kindness. When we walked in today, I couldn't help but smile as it felt so much like our own little version of Cheers except for, you know, it was breakfast, not a bar, and to my knowledge, Norm was nowhere in sight, but everybody knew your name, and they seemed so glad that we came.
Addie, we will forever be grateful for that experience that led us to our amazing friends year after year at Stack 'em High Pancakes & So Forth in Kill Devil Hills. There, the coffee is hot, the food is delicious, and the staff—well, they made me believe that there are truly genuinely good people in this world.
Love,
Mom
(Letter originally posted October 31, 2019)
Fill My Cup
Dear Addie,
We did it! We ate at a restaurant with no meltdowns, tantrums or cutting the meal short or taking our food to go.
Never, I mean never in a million years did I think something as relatively simple as eating out with my family would bring me not only so much joy, but practically move me to tears - in a good way!
But here we are...
It’s hard to believe that just a few short months ago we were here in this new place with you, and you were screaming, I was crying, and just about everyone (but mainly me) was begging for daddy to just drive us back home.
A drastic difference from the scene of this day.
Allow me to explain.
Living here in North Carolina provides so much to see - from mountains to the left, ocean to the right, with beauty and history at just about every turn in this great state. Having a family that loves the beach (ocean, sand, sun - but not sharks), it was kind of a no brainer where we should venture for vacation - but not so fast...
You see, hotels are not exactly our jam (maybe it’s just the security calls we get that are the issue...seriously that has happened). Add that you need a decompression space means we need two hotel rooms. And with your Houdini unlocking any lock skills - just doesn’t sound like a good idea!
You see Addie, autism families don’t really vacation. We just pick another place to live our chaos for a little while.
With this in mind, we decided to rent a house to solve (or at least help navigate) through a majority of these issues.
Long story short the house was pretty perfect but you were still REALLY struggling if we were either a). not at the house, or b). not carefree frolicking in the ocean.
Our efforts to try and do something different only resulted in an epic meltdown when we tried to go see wild horses on the beach, which in turn resulted in the pleading with daddy to take us home. And I mean home, home the one back in Raleigh - not the rental.
Spoiler alert - we didn’t leave that day and the next few days we managed the vacation with beach play and eating in (a lot). Everyday you became more and more relaxed and familiar with this new routine.
Having survived your longest most intense meltdown to date and still managing to enjoy some beach life, we knew maybe this place was indeed something special, and that this house would become our very own before leaving that weekend.
Addie you just know when something is right baby girl and daddy and I both felt this. We both just knew in our hearts, even with the most epic meltdown of all times, that this quiet beach town might be the perfect place to ease our way into said “normal” family things.
Fast forward to this weekend and we have now been here a handful of times. There’s a definite familiarity to things and with fall upon us now, this beach town was relatively quiet and low key. A perfect time to try something new.
We woke up Saturday morning, after having arrived late Friday night with no time for grocery shopping, seemed like a perfect opportunity and today was the day we were going to try our hand at eating at one of the best breakfast places in Nags Head (Technically Kill Devil Hills) - Stack ‘em High Pancakes & So Forth.
You were in a rather good mood, so worst case scenario we’d cause a scene and pack it to go - nothing new there.
Now something most people don’t realize is that restaurants can be a sensory nightmare. A lot of sounds, smells, lights, foods that are not exactly what you’re used to eating, and waiting - wouldn’t say that last one is something you’ve quite mastered yet. This particular restaurant is fantastic, but to order your food, it runs like a cafeteria line, which means... you guessed it - waiting.
Knowing we’d be pushing limits today we decided to have Daddy, Gabe and Clara head in first to order our food and then we’d join them when they had been seated. I’ll let daddy tell you what happened next...
Hey baby, it’s daddy, and I thought I’d add a view of this story from my perspective. While you and mom hung out in the car, Clara, Gabe and I stood in line ordering our food and collecting our drinks (coffee please!).
Gabe and I ate here a few weeks ago and I got to chat with the owner for a bit. I told him our family story and specifically about how challenging it is for our family to try something new - like going out to eat. He was quick to offer some words of comfort. “Any time y’all want to come to our place, my staff will make your family comfortable and at ease. We pride ourselves in serving people of all needs, and promise you that your family is welcomed & will be comfortable here. I promise.”
Well, here we go. We are about to put his pledge to the test! As we waited in line, I flagged down the hostess (who I believe also has a child with special needs), and explained our story and let her know that you and mom were still in the car until we ordered our food and were seated.
She was on point! She immediately secured us a table in a quiet corner of the dining room, right by the door (in case we needed to step out), and even outfitted it with crayons and coloring books - all set up just for us! She even told the staff about our unique needs. It was awesome.
OK, I love you, now back to mom...
Once our table was set, daddy gave us a call and we went in a side door. Of course not without pushing your face up against a glass window with, you know, a family eating on the other side. I can only imagine what they thought.
Moving on.
In we went, I did mouth “sorry” to the glass face family as we quickly settled ourselves into a booth with the rest of our dream team.
You wasted no time in gathering all the forks (like objects) and picking through the crayon cup to find one color each representing the rainbow.
Our food came at an alarming speed (score!), and I felt like this was maybe going a little too well, like this might be just where the ball drops.
With eggs down in front of you, you didn’t fuss, didn’t scream or anything, but just said “a salad?” Then repeated “a salad, salad, salad, salad, saaaaaalad” not disruptive, not loud, just like a broken record. Daddy motioned to our (amazing might I add) waiter and we asked if they had any lettuce?! Now looking at the menu, I couldn’t see a single thing at a glance that would include it, but luck was on our side and before we knew it a small bowl full of lettuce or “a salad” had replaced your eggs.
He came back after a few minutes and asked YOU first if you like your salad? Not mommy or daddy, but you. He then asked me if I wanted a refill on my coffee? I could’ve burst into tears right there.
Addie, not only did we eat at a restaurant as a family, with absolutely no drama what-so-ever, and felt like we were welcomed, belonged and dare I say almost part of their family, but we were there long enough to get a refill. A refill Addie! Not a lot of people would think about how special that is, but this coffee represented time. Here I was, staring at a mug of black coffee that I had been waiting for for years. And on this day it happened. Not rushing out before a second cup.
Addie we’ve come a long way. We ended up seeing something special in a trip that started out as a disaster. I’m so glad daddy didn’t listen to me that day because I might still be waiting for someone to fill my mug.
So very proud of you baby girl and thankful for the truly amazing staff at Stack 'em High Pancakes & So Forth in Kill Devil Hills, NC. They gave us such a memorable and special moment to treasure forever.
In this restaurant they have tons of quotes written just about everywhere. One just happen to catch my eye as we were leaving...
"Life is like syrup, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's just sticky."
In a journey with a lot of stickiness, this day was oh so sweet.
Love,
Mom