Queen Of England (remastered)

Where it all started.

Dear Addie,

This week, we celebrated the beginning of the ninth year of my writing letters to you. People often ask how this idea started, and the truth is, I didn't write to you about it until two years after the life-changing moment in 2016 even occurred. I honestly felt embarrassed and believed I had failed you, so reliving the story was (and is) always painful for me. When we decided to become parents, we had no idea that our journey would lead us into a life of advocacy. Yet here we are, having gained an extraordinary amount of knowledge from you, our greatest teacher, over the past fourteen years.

This is the story of how our letters began.

May you never forget just how very loved you are. xo Mom

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Queen of England

Originally posted in 2018 reworked to present day

Dear Addie,

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light” - Aristotle.

It was 9 years ago that I sat on the back porch feeling emotionally broken and weak, but from that dark place there was a glimmer of light and the Raising Us project was born.

Allow me to explain.

It was a picture-perfect Memorial Day weekend here in North Carolina - 2016. A time of year that is known for marking the official kick-off to summer and local pools opening for the season! Full of excitement and ready for some family fun in the sun, we layered on an excessive amount of sunblock and headed to our neighborhood pool!

On the opening day at the neighborhood pool, it was really busy! When we arrived, I immediately felt a bit anxious because of how crowded it was. This particular pool is always packed throughout the summer because it features zero entry, mushroom-shaped waterfall splash areas, and a waterslide! At this point, we still didn’t feel completely comfortable letting you splash and swim freely, so you stood out as the biggest kid at the pool wearing a life jacket—even in the shallow end. Better safe than sorry, right?

Honestly, we never know if you might give Usain Bolt some friendly competition by sprinting after or away from something! God forbid you take off at full speed, slip, and fall into the deep end—that would be scary, very scary. Our simple solution is to have you wear a life vest while Daddy and I take turns being your personal shadow.

Here's a fun fact: You really enjoy a bird’s-eye view of any situation. On that day, you quickly realized that you could climb the stairs of the super fun waterslide. From the platform, you could get an excellent overview of your surroundings! This proved to be a very calming experience for you. For the next 45 minutes, we climbed up and down the stairs while you stood at the top, surveying the area like you were the Queen of England.

Most of the kids happily stepped past you when they realized you weren’t really going to be going down the slide, and the lifeguard at the top was now aware of the situation, so all was good. That was until some teenagers decided they too wanted to enjoy the slide.

As we stood on the stairs, I heard them approach—three 16-year-olds, loudly using profanities as they climbed the steps. The mother in me wanted to intervene, to give them a heavy dose of soap to wash their mouths out, but I restrained myself. That was until they turned to you, who was happily stimming and minding your own business, and said, “What are you doing?” They then proceeded to mock your stim.

I was speechless; my heart sank, and my blood boiled. It felt like someone had just gut-punched me. The only words I could muster were, “You should be ashamed of yourselves!” as I grabbed your hand and we headed down the stairs.

I always knew this day might come, but part of me hoped we would somehow escape such encounters. I simply wasn’t prepared for it. This journey brings attention that makes us easy targets for shallow individuals who enjoy a quick laugh, perhaps believing it somehow makes them feel better about themselves.

Feeling every ounce of being uncomfortable and now angry we decided to pack up and leave. I felt like I had failed you.

Some people that know this story have said: “you shouldn’t let them bother you…” or “I would've said XYZ to them…” but the truth of the matter is in the moment I was numb. I didn’t want to really think this immaturity existed, I was naïve. I wished badly that I would’ve unleashed fury on them, but I’m not sure that would’ve resonated with them anyway.

That night our neighbor Miss Tammy came over and sat with me on the back porch as I was still reeling about the day. All the questions I had, where were their parents? Did they know their kids had such horrible behavior? Was this an example of their parents? Was our society in 2016 really housing people this shallow and uneducated on special needs or the ability to just be a decent human? Feeling sad and angry, Miss Tammy said: “There’s got to be a way to educate the masses - advocate for not only Addie but others like Addie.” While I agreed with what she said and thought this all sounded good in theory, how was I going to do that? That’s when she suggested a photo documentary blog and I kind of laughed it off, like yeah right! After all, I was a stay at home mom, not a writer. She was confident I could do this, I, on the other hand, wasn’t. I told her I’d think about it.

A few days later, with the idea still on the table, and after much discussion, daddy and I decided we had nothing to lose – opening our lives up for all to see. One Team, One Dream. Letting people see and get to know our normal and the real YOU. If we could help just one person learn something new, then we had succeeded. This was the beginning of “Raising Us.”

While I wish that had never happened, had it not, I don’t think we’d be here today writing my 470th letter to you.

2016

2025

You may not have been the Queen of England on Memorial Day at the fun water slide pool ever again, but you are making your mark on this world bringing awareness and acceptance for those who live with autism, through your very own journey.

Remember in life, there’s always a light baby girl.

Love,

Mom