A War Within Of Sound And Silence

Dear Addie,

This week has been deeply challenging. Your auditory system felt relentless, turning against you and causing nothing but constant distress. Every sound, and even the anticipation of one, sparked an internal battle you couldn’t escape. A war you had no energy to fight. No where felt safe, no where felt calm. Not even headphones could protect you. You were walking a tight rope at every step while cautiously looking out the corner of your eye. Times like these are truly heartbreaking for us and everyone who is woven in to your day to day.

It's spring and with it comes pollen.

Allergy season brings its usual challenges, but your deep discomfort with sneezing and nose-blowing makes it especially hard. Did someone unexpectedly sneeze in your presence, do they dare grab a tissue? Pair this with a lingering, unexplained illness, it’s wearing you down. You’ve felt off, on edge, agitated, and stressed. When you’re battling for peace within, words fall away, and we’re left trying to interpret what you’re unable to fully say. Communication because more important than ever and yet…its suddenly gone.

Maybe it’s not just pollen—maybe it’s hormones, illness, or even the quiet discomfort of a tag rubbing the wrong way.

Perhaps.

Addie, sometimes our autism bingo card doesn’t quite give us a win, and we’re left just doing our best to follow your lead. This week, that meant bare feet in the dirt, sitting on your swing, listening to the fountain all by yourself. I wish every place could offer you this kind of peace and solitude, but since they can’t, I’m just grateful you have it somewhere.

Hang in there Ad, this too shall pass.

Love,

Mom