Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Dear Addie,

What happens now? A question so many people are asking themselves these days. Work, school, socializing, masks, no masks...everyone has an opinion about, well, just about everything, but what happens now?

We are gladly doing our part to keep ourselves and others safe, and we wonder if we’ll get back to where we were? Can we even? Or should we? We all worry, but worry can be violently consuming. In our little autism world “getting back” takes on a whole new meaning. The progress made in something that is seemingly simple for a neurotypical individual if that is somehow lost (pandemic or not) can take months sometimes years to regain. When “exposure is key” is well, key, what happens next? How does this end? What will happen without our “exposure?“

The same questions seem to keep showing up daily.

The answer Addie - well, I don’t know.  That can feel pretty awful as a parent when you’re children look to you for the answers.

It’s been 5 months. 5 months since you’ve been somewhere other than therapy or autism camp. The risk of regression in our exposure game being the best therapy is on unsteady ground at best, and while your routine lifestyle is becoming even more rigid by the day (something I honestly didn’t even know was possible), I worry.  

Worry. It can be a dangerous game to play.

Addie if there’s anything I’ve learned on this journey (and if I’m being honest have to continually practice - A LOT) is worrying gets you absolutely nothing but exhausted - so stop entertaining it and just let it go. Again easier said than done most days, but releasing those consuming shadowy thoughts can show us the answers we need to our most consuming questions - especially when we’ve been so close to our thoughts during the past 5 months.

While I was on the edge of missing spontaneity in our life and a victim of constantly worrying what direction we are headed, we woke to a new day with an unexpected “exposure” opportunity just waiting for us to grab ahold. Our favorite breakfast restaurant had opened their doors for business and with the kindness and patience they have shown us in the past we couldn’t have thought of a better place to jump back on the wagon of exposure.

Headphones, snacks, masks - let’s do this!

We arrived and did our usual routine of sending our crew in to order and get the table, while  you and I follow in after everything is all set. With the thumbs up from daddy, we slid in through the side door like a celebrity rapper rocking some wicked awesome noise canceling headphones - “Guess who’s back? back again...shAddie’s back, tell a friend...” see what I did there Ad? Who doesn’t love them some Eminem?

Now where was I, ah yes...

We shuffled our way through this well thought out masterpiece of a social distancing dining room, taking extra caution not to intrude on others personal space. You plopped down in your seat, removed your headphones and feverishly stimmed as you scanned the room. Without skipping a beat our favorite waitress was happily waiting to greet you with a “Hi Addie! I hear you’d like a plate of whipped cream!” Even with a mask we could tell she was smiling at us her eyes said it all - she was genuinely happy to see you return. A little squeal of excitement followed by more stimming and now a repetitive bounce in your seat - meant you were more than excited to be here and to hear about your whipped cream treat!

You knew where you were, everyone knew who you were and you were about to get a plate of whipped cream - score!

But I digress Addie, I got it all wrong! You weren’t a famous rapper at all but more like Norm from the TV show Cheers, only your name is Addie not Norm, they serve pancakes (and whipped cream), not beer and we weren’t in Boston but Kill Devil Hills, but other than that totally the same - you were the “Norm” of Stack ‘Em High Pancakes and So Forth!

We enjoyed yet another family breakfast out with no meltdowns, apologies, or boxing up our food after one bite - none of it. Everyone was once again attentive to you and talked to YOU first not us. They knew your name and were glad we came.

As we were leaving gathering your toys and such I heard “Bye Addie!” From about 3 different directions! Why is it that I’m always teary-eyed leaving this place? You see Addie, when you decide to visit here, no matter who you are you leave your worries at the door. You become family past that threshold and they make you feel like the most important person in the room. Just the kind of love and confidence we all need these days.

Addie, we didn’t exactly have high hopes that this adventure towards exposure was going to go well, but in true Addie fashion you surprised us all and did great!

This restaurant, that plate of whipped cream, those smiling eyes - truth is I don’t know what happens next, but I do know it’s going to be OK whatever it is because we’re all in it together.

Love,

Mom