Tug Of War

Dear Addie,

...And then you were a freshman.

The week we had been waiting for has finally arrived as we headed back to school. A week that has held so much hope and promise that the familiar routine and structure would bring us much-needed healing. A week where perhaps calm could finally be found in the midst of weeks of health chaos. A week, I couldn’t wait to get here, yet I also stood in disbelief that we were indeed here. How are you this old already? Weren’t we just in Texas last week, starting preschool, where your giant backpack consumed your entire body? I promise you no matter how hard I have tried to keep my eyes open, I inevitably blinked, time raced by, and now, here we are. Now, you, my dear, are what they call a freshman—well, the equivalent of one, seeing as you attend a nontraditional school that focuses on therapeutic education, but a freshman nonetheless.

Cue the next chapter - let’s do this!

OK, I’ll be honest, day one was tough physically. It wasn't exactly the light switch magical healing moment I had imagined. From the time you woke up until bedtime, you struggled. Your body just wasn’t cooperating, but your mood on the otherhand was great! You were so excited to be back with your therapists and peers, even though it felt very much like a game of tug of war between how you felt physically and emotionally. By 6:15pm, you were already asleep, and honestly, I wasn’t far behind. We were all worn out.

Day one in the books - check. Not the best, not the worst, but a reminder rather that this is a journey, not a race.

But wait, there's good news!

I’m happy to say that each day since has gotten better. Am I still crossing my fingers? Yes. Am I still holding my breath a little? Yes. But it finally feels like we’re starting to heal. And yes, this is also the first year I’ve packed corn in a lunchbox, but that’s another story.

Addie, this week we held our breath and headed back to some stability that you so desperately needed. While we have a ways to go in finding our new normal, your smile is back and it's truly heartwarming knowing you have such an amazing team of therapists in your corner, ready to pivot whenever necessary and lend their full support to you every single day while you find your way. I’ve never felt so sure that we were meant to be somewhere then where we are right now.

Always remember you are not alone. You got this baby girl!

Love,

Mom