The In-Between

Dear Addie,

Our days and nights all seem long right now, or maybe not long, but often a blur of where day and night begin and end. Right when I think we are getting somewhere, all hell breaks loose when I least expect it. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a strong desire to return to another time in our lives—some time I now remember and think, wow, those challenges weren’t so bad. But I am not Marty McFly, I have no time travel DeLorean, and I truly believe sometimes life grabs you by the shoulders to shake things up for the good and yes, the bad, putting you on a path of where you were meant to be. It's the in-between of the shake up and your destine path that becomes the lull. The confusion of time when you're figuring out life and what your joy and peace look like. We are flirting with that period of time.

This week, after what I would describe as a step backward or something that resembles such, you approached me holding your bathing suit. Really? I thought to myself, if history had taught us anything, after vomiting that much, for that long, you would have retreated to your room and slept for hours. But there you stood, proclaiming, "I need help, please," as you handed me your bathing suit and undressed before me. Although I questioned if this was a good idea, I have learned over many years that there is balance in what you feel and what I can control. There is a need to respect what your body tells you and what you think your body needs, so I helped you into your suit, still loose from your weight loss, crossed my fingers, and you walked off to swim.

As you entered the pool, your old signature smile gradually appeared, looking every bit of familiar and comforting. There wasn't the usual splashing or acting like a whale, but instead a gentle enjoyment of walking through the water as it softly hugged your sensory system. Peace.

After about 20 minutes, you exited the pool to sit in the steam of the hot shower - yet another familiar space for you. When you were all done, you put jammies on and headed straight to bed as if your soul need every ounce of that water experience.

Addie, this week you tip-toed your way into something that previously has brought you so much joy, and it was a beautiful thing to witness. While we may never get to ride in that Delorean, it’s probably for the best as we pick up the pieces that worked and let go of what didn’t.

You’re on your way to where you're supposed to be baby girl. Pick up the pieces that matter most in this "in-between" and keep moving forward.

Love always,

Mom