The Gamut

Dear Addie,

This past week ran the gamut of emotions, from optimistic and hopeful to frustrated, sad, happy, and proud. A real whiplash kind of week.

It all started the way so many of our weeks do right now: with a doctor’s appointment. One we had been looking forward to for a long time, and one that, looking back, we probably put too much stock in, hoping it would finally give us a clear, black-and-white answer to a rather gray situation. Instead, we left with a working theory, follow-up appointments, and new doctors being added to the mix for various reasons.

I’ll admit, I was frustrated... especially after getting home and having a few, very rough sick days, which only then brings on this intense sadness that you are going through all this. But when I step back and look at how many people have been, and still are, dedicated to your journey, I choose to believe we are blessed to have such dedication and are inching closer to the day this all becomes a “remember when” story.

And because I said all the emotions showed up this week… here we go.

This week I was also reminded of just how fast you’re growing up and gaining more independence every day. While I was finishing up getting big sister Clara’s bed ready for her to come home from college, you came to me asking to eat. Now in our home, most of your food is accessible to you, but anything involving the stove still requires adult supervision, so “I want nuggets, please” meant you needed my help. I kindly replied, “Give me just a moment,” to which you echoed, “A moment!” before scurrying off. When I finally got downstairs, I was pleasantly surprised to see you had already done the prep work for what looked like a lunch of twenty nuggets using a whole roll of parchment paper. Well done, Ad, and nice try on the 20 nuggets 😉 A quick reduction of nuggets (and paper) and in the oven they went.

While waiting for your lunch, you decided Finn probably wanted something to eat too. After hearing some rustling in the pantry, I took a quick look and immediately realized you were feeding the dog cookies and not just any cookie - Milanos. Hard pass girl. After telling you that you can't feed the dog cookies, you gave me a look that only a teenager can give. You walked to the fridge, grabbed a slice of cheese, unwrapped it, tossed it to Finn, and hurried off to your room. You were bound and determined to feed Finn anything but dog food—and you definitely didn’t want to hear me say, “No!”

Eventually, also in true teenage fashion, you reemerged to eat and then headed to the laundry room to “do some wash,” as I like to call it, turning the dryer on just to watch it spin. Full disclosure: You do go to the laundromat at school pretty often and help out at home occasionally, but sometimes you just find pure joy in watching the dryer window.

Later in the week, we headed off to pick up Big Sister from college and run a few errands. Did I wait to do my pet store errand until after we picked her up because she loves the pet store (and used to work there)? Yes. Yes, I did. Cue another moment of growth on your journey: during this pet store trip, you did a fantastic job looking and not touching. Not holding fish with your hands is a hard lesson to learn, but you absolutely nailed it this time. I’m sure the fish thought so too ;)

Addie, this week had all the feels, reminding me of the difficulties of the journey we’re on toward the independent teenager you’ve become—and everything in between. There is quite literally no map for the journey we’re on, and that can be incredibly frustrating at times, but it’s also wildly rewarding to be adventuring together through this life.

Love,

Mom