The Exhale

Dear Addie,

For the first time since starting these letters, I didn’t get to my writing last week. It ate away at me a bit to think I had let you down somehow, even if it was just a letter. Anyone walking this journey knows that, as parents—particularly mothers—we tend to overanalyze everything we do or have done for our children. I suppose it’s some weird form of parental guilt that comes with the territory.  It’s especially true when significant medical issues arise, and you want nothing more than to make it all better, but the magical kiss the boo boo tactic from your younger years no longer applies - Oh, how I wish it did. Everything is just more complicated. It's here, holding our breath that we long for the moment when we can all feel the depth of a deep, cleansing exhale, bringing us a desperately needed recharge and some sort of peace after months of chaos. A breath of truly living for a single moment, not what was or what could be, but frozen in time with a well-deserved exhale release. This week, almost without warning, that moment arrived - the exhale ...and maybe the feverishly knocking on wood that this was really happening.

You see, Addie, the past few weeks have been filled with excitement and activity. Big brother Gabe had a performance in our town's local circus, while big sister Clara had a family weekend at her college. My birthday crept up on us, and we were thrilled to have Nana and Papa visit for all of the celebrations, along with Aunt Andrea! With so much going on, our house was busting with energy, and our schedule was packed to say the least.

*Circus Photo Credit: Rich Levine (Gabe) & Cynthia Viola (Duo)

Now, having said all that, was I a little uncertain of how all this was going to go for you with your recent issues, of course. Were you also going to be surrounded by loving and accepting people willing to let you see where the chips would land, and giving you all your space to feel out any situation - absolutely. Did you also prove that you may be moving past the “in-between” phase and on to your new normal - 100%.

Addie, you handled the past few weeks in true rockstar fashion. While still tiring easily you spent time splashing in the pool with Nana, teaching Aunt Andrea how to make your “13” nuggets (that was hilarious and yes, everything is tied to a number), and even happily eating peanut butter cups from Papa ;) You were communicating effectively, coping when necessary, and with a new medication on board, your body has been responding beautifully, allowing us to finally take that ever-longed-for exhale. While we stay vigilant for any relapse that may occur, we are also celebrating where we are today because you have come a very long way since the beginning of all this.

Well done, Ad. It’s time to exhale. We are forever proud of you.

Love,

Mom