A Quiet Realization

Dear Addie,

I sat down to write you a letter, only to realize that not much has changed. There was just a feeling of welcomed calm. Your beloved class pet, Scout, is still with us. You’re happily attending school when the weather allows, of course. Having said that, we adapted when the weather threw us multiple curveballs. Nana and Papa came to visit, and all was well there. It wasn’t until I was walking around the house, straightening things up, that I had a quiet realization. You see, Ad, even amidst our unexpected new normal, I could see progress.

Allow me to explain.

Addie, I’m not going to lie, this illness has consumed so much of our lives, practically overnight, last June. The months that followed started to feel less like a simple light switch was flipped off (one that could easily be turned back on) and more like we fell into a deep hole. A hole deep enough that we’re using every ounce of strength we have to climb out, but sometimes, we lose our grip and fall back down. It has all the feelings of Groundhog Day, I promise you. Admittedly it’s hard to stay positive, especially when a loved one is struggling, and our resources for finding our way out seem so limited. Every week brings with it a new measure of patience, hope, and faith. It’s like we’re learning to stretch those qualities one day at a time, holding on even when it feels exhausting and defeating.

Now, having said all that and after what we’d call a pretty low-key week for us, I was walking around, replenishing bowls and vomit bags. Yeah you read that right. We learned early on that every room needs to be prepared when dealing with an unexpected vomiting disorder, but I digress. As I was doing this, I realized you’d only had two episodes this week. Not two days of multiple episodes, nope, just two singular moments. I don’t think we’ve had a week like that since all of this began.

I know what you’re thinking: “Hey, Mom, I was still sick!” Yes, I know. And I truly, with everything I have, wish things were different. But in my moment of realization, I felt like our grip was suddenly stronger, and our strength is all there! Could we be climbing out of this hole? God, I hope so, you are so ready to be done with this I know it, but only time will tell.

Addie, while we weren’t completely without illness this week, we definitely saw a much-needed reprieve as we continue to find our place in this new normal.

Baby girl, the effort and strength you put into each day, whether it's doing the things you love or finding the structure you crave right now, is truly admirable. On a journey with no rulebook, you sure are doing amazing things everyday even when the cards aren't in your favor. Keep resting and doing what you’re doing.

We are so incredibly proud of you.

Love,

Mom