Dear Addie,
This week with the asking of one simple question we witnessed yet another first for you exactly when my autism mama heart needed it.
Allow me to explain.
Addie, if someone were to design a rollercoaster after this journey, it would surely set a world record for most drops twists, and turns hands down. Being able to feel every emotion humanly possible in one single day should be some kind of superhuman power for SN Parents, but I digress. On this particular day, I found myself in the grocery store parking lot suddenly crying because everything just felt so heavy. Just literally all of it. There was no one thing I could point to but just a cloud of unknowns and what-ifs that flooded my thoughts. Sometimes the days just feel like one day less that I have to figuring everything out for your future and there's a backpack of mama guilt that comes with that. Now knowing very well that I'm not going to solve my problems in a parking lot crying, I wiped my face and tried to focus on my to-do list for the day, but my breakdown wasn't far from my mind.
That night when Daddy got home from work I was in the kitchen fixing dinner, while you (per usual) were peering over my shoulder anxiously awaiting for it to be done. He greeted us both and then asked you how school was that day. In your usual parroting or echolalic manner you just repeated the question back to him saying "School today!" Always trying to keep you engaged in conversation I tried another question, "who were your friends at school today?" fully expecting the traditional echolalia response, when you suddenly paused then yelled "Max!" I quickly looked up at you in disbelief - you just answered! Trying my luck again I said, "Oh fun, who else?" You then paused and yelled "Jeffrey!" You proceeded to list four friends from school before bouncing off into the living room. I could've cried I was so unbelievably blown away and proud. We were doing this, we were having a conversation. Not a request for food, or echolalia response, you were answering with your own thoughts.
Addie I have no idea of what the future holds and that really weighs on me sometimes, but you always come in and make life better exactly when I need it most, in only a way that you know how.
I'm so happy you love your school and all your friends.
I love you so very much baby girl.
Love ,
Mom
